Rainbow Paw
Carry Their Love With You

I Was Fine All Day. Then Night Came.

Why does pet grief feel worse at night? I was functioning all day, but once the house became quiet, I suddenly couldn't stop missing my dog.

Journal ยท After dark ๐ŸŒ™

I Was Fine All Day. Then Night Came.

The house became quiet, and suddenly there was nothing between me and how much I missed him.

A quiet bedroom at night with a bedside lamp, face-down phone, water, and an empty woven mat beside the bed

I was fine most of today.

I workedAnswered messagesEven laughed at something

For a few hours, I almost wondered if I was finally doing better.

Then I got into bed.

And suddenly, I missed him so much I couldn’t breathe around it.

1. Nothing bad happened tonight

That is the strange part.

No new bad newsNo anniversaryNo photograph I accidentally found

The house just became quiet.

And without work, messages or people around me, there was finally nothing between me and the fact that he wasn’t here.

Nothing happened tonight.
I just finally had enough silence to miss him.

2. I remembered our nighttime routine

This used to be his time.

๐ŸŒ™The last trip outside
ใ€ฐ๏ธThe sound of him settling down
๐ŸคThe little space beside the bed

The little space beside the bed belonged to him without anyone ever deciding it did.

Tonight, that space felt enormous.

3. I cried harder than I expected

For a moment, I thought:

Why am I getting worse again?

But maybe this isn’t going backwards.

Maybe grief had simply been waiting until the day became quiet enough for me to feel it.

So tonight I’m not fixing anything.

I’m drinking some waterPutting my phone downLetting myself miss him
A hard night does not erase the better hours I had today.

Tomorrow can still be tomorrow.

Tonight, I just miss my dog.