Journal · The early days of grief 🐾
Pet Grief After Euthanasia: Why I Feel Numb and Exhausted
I prepared for his death. I hadn’t prepared for his absence.
Yesterday, I held my dog while he slowly fell asleep for the last time.
He had been sick. We knew this day was coming.
We made the arrangements. We said goodbye. I thought I was prepared.
I wasn’t.
I prepared for his death. I hadn’t prepared for his absence.
Today is the second day.
Mostly, I just feel tired.
1. I’m not crying the way I expected
I thought I would wake up completely broken.
Instead, I feel strangely numb.
Sometimes tears come quietly. Then they stop.
The rest of the time, I mostly stare at things.
Maybe my mind simply hasn’t caught up with what happened yet.
2. My body feels completely empty
Yesterday, I just followed the next step.
I moved through all of it almost automatically.
Today, I don’t want to do anything.
I don’t want to talk.
I don’t want to eat.
I just want to lie in bed.
I didn’t know grief could feel so much like physical exhaustion.
3. Yesterday had a next step. Today doesn’t.
This is the strange part.
Yesterday was awful, but there was always something I had to do.
Today, there are no more forms.
No more phone calls.
No more arrangements.
And suddenly, there is only one thing left:
I still catch myself wondering if I’ve forgotten to do something for him.
Then I remember there is nothing left that he needs from me.
4. I’m not trying to be normal today
I took time off work.
I don’t know when I’ll be ready to go back.
And today, I’m not forcing myself to decide.
My list is much smaller:
- Drink some water
- Eat something if I can
- Answer one message
- Sleep when I’m tired
- Leave his things where they are
That’s enough.
It has only been two days.
I loved him for years.
Maybe today, I don’t need to learn how to live without him.
Maybe I only need to get through today.
If today is your second day too, you don’t have to know when you’ll feel normal again.
For now, the smallest things still count.