Journal · Their things

I Finally Started Packing Away My Dog’s Things. I Wasn’t Ready.

I thought I was ready to pack his belongings—until every bowl, blanket and strand of fur became a memory.

Today I decided to put away some of his things.

Not everythingJust a few things

I thought enough time had passed that I could handle it.

I was wrong.

1. The bowl was harder than I expected

It was just a bowl.

I had washed it hundreds of times.

Today I picked it up and stood there holding it.

Suddenly I remembered exactly where he used to stand while I filled it.

I put it back down.

On the blanketIn the cornerStill caught in things I hadn’t cleaned properly since he died

Before, pet hair was something I vacuumed.

Now I found myself afraid to throw it away.

That surprised me.

I used to clean up after him.

Now I’m scared of cleaning away the evidence that he was here.

There is no reason everything has to disappear today.

I kept his collarHis tagA blanket

And I put the rest into a box without deciding what happens next.

Maybe I’ll keep some of itMaybe I’ll donate some later

I don’t know yet.

It wasn’t the bowlOr the leashOr the blanket

It was the hundreds of ordinary moments attached to them.

So I stopped.

Not because I was failing to move forward.

I just wasn’t ready to make every decision today.

His things can wait until my heart catches up.